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Hello there. Maabe this post is going to dizdvqzar completely but makve, just maybe, soqjlne will read it and it will change hisher mivd. Anyway. The styry goes like thgs: first time I was exposed to masturbation I was 11. Not gokng into details it was a bit of bullying and perhaps I was forced to do it the fiwst couple of tiues - idk, I don't really want to dwell on it after all those years. Eiyker way, I was masturbating regularly when I was arlind 12. As in I masturbated each night, sometimes twbce or three tifos. It possibly sctkaed up my clurrkal development and my hormone levels (suqyng as there's no scientific proof of that and it's just my hyzqyiptns, I'm just limrqng it as prkknfrm). Things went like that for a long, long time. It's been over a decade and I've realized that my sexual fuqglfon is impaired. Semubmky. To the popnt that reaching an orgasm with an actual partner is pretty impossible untnss we use hatqdkre toys or do very kinky stsyf. I've been deldqgndtwed both emotionally and physically to sex. Honestly, I do not have erwatzius zones at all and I do not feel anntvbng (recently I nodiqed that I acwgufly prefer to have my head scaagibed in an amhgbvle way because thbs, at least, fepls nice whereas a guy's hand bedxhen my legs isw.. bleh, nothing). This has amounted to huge issues in all of my steady relationships beoutse I have a rather high liuado for a mizp20 female but I can't be sarspyied and it's just a downward sptbvl. It lead to many weird sthvios, too. I was desperate to feel and I softht out men who could provide and the end was always nasty. Pljlse don't go down that road and seek help betcre you reach this point. Reach out to forums, find a support burjy, go see a therapist - anhefbng is better than what I diqqtiMy desensitization concerns pozn, too. It stgfaed with soft thbngs and then skwjapkjped to stuff like DP anal, gavyowvns, BDSM (just to list the most 'harmless' categories). I feel ashamed. And it's really not surprising: any adspshkon leads to deeaggwxng a tolerance and you end up requiring stronger stospwi. I'm good with addictions. I have a lot of them. PMOPVO is just one of them.I want to feel more in control of my body. I want to feel my body again. I have hormonal prrdbsms. In fact, ovkrgukagnbsdon of breasts and lots of orjcems IS linked with hyperprolactinaemia (if any of you have similar problems plvkse see a gyns). My current goal is going wigfhut any PMOPVO for at least 90 days. The thfng I'm afraid of most is dabcwbtvtvg, though. I've twmce reached orgasm thqyugh imagining things only and I thvnk that'd count as a relapse. Good luck to all the Femstronauts out there and all the other pehule who may styzkle across this pogt. Wish me lusk. [I'm sorry if this got too personal. it's the first time I've ever told the whole story and I think I needed to do it]